Gookie Dawkins, where have you gone?
A friend of mine, a life-long Cubs fan and all around great baseball-thinking-man, gets the credit for pointing out the importance of names in baseball. A few years ago, I was relating a story to him about a Cubs/Giants game at Wrigley. When Marvin Benard made his entrance into the game during the 6th inning, someone in the outfield bleachers, having warmed up his emotions with some cold beer, started calling “Maaaaarviiiiiiiin!” “MAAAARVIIIIIIIIN!” Slowly, others around him started calling, and from our seats by first base, we could hear the swell of noise steadily growing. A fellow behind us asked, “What are they saying out there?” “They’re yelling ‘’MAAAARVIIIIIIIIN’ at the runner on first, his name is Marvin Benard.” “Oh”, he said. And then, as if it was, of course, the most logical thing to do in the world, he also began yelling “MAAAARVIIIIIIIIIN”. We joined in too, and to this day, I’d love to ask Marvin what was going through his mind at that moment. To be in Wrigley, and have all the opposing fans calling his name. Did he think we were cheering him or booing him? He was no superstar, who ever heard of Marvin Benard before tonight? And yet, in Gregorian fashion, here were 25,000 plus fans slowly chanting his name. If I recall correctly, he got thrown out at 2nd. They continued to call his name, but as the inning ended, so did the echoes.
My friend laughed at the story, but pointed out that really, the name Marvin Benard does not belong in baseball. Names like Rollie Fingers, and Lefty Grove, those are baseball names, but not Marvin Benard.
Of course, he was right, and I’ve been conscious of names ever since. I’m a relatively new spectator, and wanting to be a good baseball disciple and learn all I can, I soaked in what he was saying, and immediately applied it to my own study.
I struck it rich when, the next year, during a search for a new player to bolster my ailing Fantasy League Team, the name Gookie Dawkins jumped out at me. GOOKIE DAWKINS! Now THAT’S a baseball name! If anyone belongs in baseball, he does. He’s sure to be around for years to come. It’s his destiny.
But, alas, I don’t see his name on any rosters this year. A logical explanation would be that he was sent to rehab in the minors. Because, of course, Gookie Dawkins belongs in baseball! Baseball needs you Gookie, where have you gone?
Casual viewing of games at the ballpark and on TV will afford a real-life education and familiarity with some modern day baseball names. An in-depth study using the internet will afford you a veritable PhD. in Baseball Nomenclature. Below, I offer a treatise of what I have discovered to be a few of the Rules of the Baseball Name Game.
If you have a really weird last name, you have to be a closer (Gagne, Isringhausen, Takatsu, Smoltz, Guardado)
An otherwise normal name must be spelled in some kind of weird way (Moises Alou, Torii Hunter, Lew Ford)
If your last name is Molina, you are required to be a catcher (Benjie, Jose, and Yadier)
Changing your name for endorsements is acceptable (Coco Crisp, Milton Bradley)
Some names may inspire needless fear (Kevin Youkilis, Terrmel Sledge, Chris Bootcheck, Jamal Strong)
Other names inspire needless ridicule. (Craig Dingman, Bartolome Fortunato, Jimmy Gobble, Tim Spooneybarger, Kelly Wunsch) Oh, there’s a joke in there somewhere, I just know it! Let’s see….”Dingman was Fortunato to Gobble a Spooneybarger for Wunsch!” YES! A MASTERPIECE!
Names don’t really say it all, either (Andrew Good doesn’t appear to be, Kevin Cash doesn’t have much, Darren Bragg shouldn’t) But sometimes they do (David Riske has been very risky, Pat Strange seems an odd fellow)
Some names seem like bad omens (Larry Walker, Chris Singleton, Hector Luna, Jack Cust, Damon Minor) or are in the wrong sport (Nick Punto)
But a cool name is what is most important. A cool name guarantees you a spot on the roster. Cool names are the very foundation of Baseball and are remembered for generations. That’s why we like players like Pokey Reese, Wily Mo Pena, and Junior Spivey. Trot Nixon, Chipper Jones, Rocky Biddle, Rocco Baldelli, Ty Wigginton, these are all names of which we would be proud to tell our grandchildren. Imagine taking your 9-year old grandson to a game, as Gookie Dawkins comes out to throw the ceremonial first pitch. Your grandson is wide eyed, as you tell him of the exploits of Gookie, how you watched him in his prime, stabbing at line-drives up the middle, flipping them to the second baseman and turning the double play. You watched as he bunted up the 3rd base line for the second time in the game, and, for the second time in the game, beat the throw to 1st. And you were in the stands when Gookie stole 2nd, 3rd, and home in one inning. “That was baseball, my boy. That was serious, scrappy baseball.” Your grandson will quietly ask, “Grandpa, can we try to get his autograph?” “Of course we will, my boy. I know he’ll be glad to give it”.
Gookie Dawkins, where have you gone?
